The Great “Adulting” Illusion
People are reaching chronological adulthood without the formation into true maturity. They remain stuck in a state that is best described as immaturity. Consequently, they end up living in a state of chaos, paralyzed by wild assumptions and a fundamental inability to discern what is actually true or useful. The most obvious symptom, recognized even by those with this problem, has been identified as a need for skills of ‘adulting’.
Why has this happened? Simple, we have been raised without proper formation, which we require in order to understand our place in the world. This causes us to feel lost and is a contributor to our anxiety. We have been taught how to exist within a system, but we have not been taught how to participate within the world. As a result, many of us are living in a state of chaos. This leaves us with the inability to discern what is actually true or useful. We need to begin the difficult, necessary work of forming ourselves into the adults that our potential demands.
The Five Pillars of Adulting
True maturity is not merely the absence of childhood. It is the presence of structure. To progress from someone who has been processed by an educational system to a fully realized adult, one must actively cultivate these five foundational pillars: Consistency, Execution, Priority Discernment, and Hierarchy.
Consistency
You must show up. Be consistent. This is the bedrock of character. It is the practice of maintaining reliable behavior regardless of the chaos in the environment around you. Discipline matters. Undisciplined individuals are fundamentally unreliable.
Execution
Execution is “doing the thing”. Whatever it is, that must be done right now. You can’t be a leech. You can’t be a parasite. That doesn’t work. So it’s a consistency plus the doing the thing. There is always something that you need to do, or that somebody else needs to do that you are capable of doing. Real adulting is moving beyond simply “knowing” things to actually “doing” them in the physical world. Look for opportunity where responsibility has been abandoned. Is there something that you can do consistently that needs to be done, that will give you greater value and stability in your own life?
Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated – Jordan B Peterson
Priority Discernment
Be aware of what the most important thing is and when that changes. That way you can set priority. You need to know what matters most and adapt quickly. You need to live first and take care of yourself. If there’s an immediate threat, you’ll have to deal with it right away. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs says the physical (air water, food, rest, health) and security (safety, shelter) needs must be met first. Learn to recognize real emergencies. You need to be able to discern where the real emergencies are and assume everything else is not an emergency, but needs to be put in a priority order.
Hierarchy
Know Your Role
You must learn to identify your specific function and role within your current environment. Hierarchies clearly illustrate where you can be useful, even if the required task does not perfectly align with your current skills.
You Have Real Value
You belong somewhere, and you possess specific skills that are useful, even if you do not yet value them yourself. Once you realize this, you will stop feeling lost and start seeing how your unique skills fit into the bigger picture.
Earn Your Place
You earn your place in a hierarchy by actively applying your skills to solve real-world problems, rather than waiting for an institution to validate your status.
Focusing on What Matters
A key part of your growth is learning to tell the difference between what matters and what does not. You can only do this when you stop treating every piece of information as equally important. By viewing life through a hierarchy, you create the boundaries needed to block out modern noise and focus on building real, practical skills.
Taking Responsibility
You must take responsibility. This is the key to all adult things. Here is your chance to make a difference in the world. Take responsibility for the chaos. Don’t leave chaos to chance. Actively steer the outcome toward the good.
Ownership of Consequences
True maturity begins when you stop blaming external circumstances. You blame the system, your upbringing, or society for your problems. You must accept that while you cannot control everything, it’s up to you on how you respond to everyday events. When you take full ownership of your life, you stop viewing the world through the lens of external propositions and start evaluating things based on their practical utility and truth.
Active Participation
Responsibility is a daily practice, not a destination. It is found in the small, consistent actions where you choose to be competent, reliable, and grounded, effectively “forming” yourself through the discipline of your own choices.
Providing Value
Responsibility is how you provide and discern value in the world. You do this by applying your skills to solve real-world problems.
For more information on adulting please watch Propositional Tyranny Killed Adulting on Mark of Wisdom: Navigating Patterns:
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